Internal Derangement

As I black out
I begin to doze
In a stupor
My eyes slowly close
My fingers move slow as I write
As I write to you
Wondering how many of you
Are like me
Or were like me
Or worse
Will be

Its not easy to see
Anything
Not just eye sight but reality
Fake serenity
You truly see nothing
Nothing you truly want to see

But your not thinking
Your not doing
Your certainly not winning
Not getting rich though some do financially
But not for long

Nothing really lasts
And as you remember your past
After you finally have
Gotten past
This battle for your life
With yourself you fight
Then you find it
Then you can see it
Then you can be it
Be anything
Anything
Young one or old one, middle aged
You can see
You can be
Anything you desire to be
Just put your devil aside
Cage him and give him a steel, spiked, painful leash
So that he does not come out
Though he may stir
When you have done this you truly have won
And you are not the first, wont be the last
Help another, give back
But now as time goes
Make sure it counts


Make sure it lasts!

Died and Came BACK!

 I was dead
I was gone
It was black
There was no song
There was no light
There were no gates
There was no welcome
No feeling of fate
There was no feeling of home or comfort
Only feeling alone
Like a desert
A desert of nothing
A desert of pitch black

I could not see
I could not fight
I was in limbo

If I could have felt,
It would have been utter fright
Utter terror
A horror
A mighty feeling that nothing is right
And that it's all over and it's all wrong
I am dead in a terrifying place I do not belong.

But then there were hands and for the first time I felt
I could feel them on mine as if they melted into one,
and I saw their beautiful faces; my loved ones,
as bright as the sun,
and they pulled me back and away from the dark.

They pulled me to life to tell me "Hello, it's ok, you can just talk,
and you can live with our constant LOVE."

And I was back

Today

Some days are better then others,
Some days end in peace,
Some days bring serenity,
Some days can change the rest of your life,
Some days you make exciting plans for the future,
Some days you cannot wait for the next,

Other days can be nerve racking,
Other days can be stress,
Other days can be tedious,
Other days may bring a serious life test,
Other days may bring situations that define you,
Other days may bring a pain to your chest,

But for now today is what we have,
So make it your best,
Treat it like its your last,
Because it may be,
Cherish today and project your peace,
So that others may have a peaceful day as well,
This day is not just yours,
So make it lovely for all,
Bring all the good you can to this day,
And always pray just in case it is the last day of all.

Renewal

Why do we run?
Where do we run to?
When things get tough
We must renew
Our selves, Our body's, Our minds,
Find a practice or a prayer, a meditation, to cure this time
Then you wont have to
You can stand your ground
You can be in touch
With the world that surrounds you
So keep you head high
Your chin to the sky
Be like the Eagle
Spread your wings and learn to fly
For when you find your wings
You will find your freedom
And this feeling will last as long as its nurtured
Keep on going,
For you will flourish, you will thrive.

Feeling good Today

Calmness, Serenity,
Peace, Certainty,
The flow of your blood,
Smooth through your body,
Stillness as you breathe,
Deep and preciously,
Your breath is your life,
Breathe deep,
Breathe strong,
Breathe in to healthy,
Thoughts and ideas,
Smiles, Smirks, and "Oh yeah's"
Good feelings and good vibes,
The flow of your energy,
Through your thoughtful mind,
Will bring you to that serenity,
You have been searching for,
Just keep looking,
For it will arrive.

Pain in this Life

Who would have thought,
It has come to this
So many have died
So many are missed
All due to a disease
A mindstate, a misleading way of life
One full of excitement and one full of misplaced pride
And one full of anguish
Sickness and fear
One when to think of
Even makes me tear
One that can scar you
So deeply that it always hurts
Turning your heart cold
Pushing away from the hurt
One that can leave you
Broken and alone
Full of shame and sorrow
Without a home
Just a place to stay
As uncertainty eats away
At a starving mind
Its so strange why we do these things that we do
That hurt us and others
All others around you
Those that care we make worry
Those that we love are left hurt and in fury
All while your in such a place
So unhappy and dark
Like a pit you cannot escape
Your trapped and unguarded
Know not where to go or what is to happen tomorrow
This life always leads to so much tragedy and pain
I wonder
Is it possible
For this life to change?

As I can see

The world is out my window,
Waiting for me,
The papers sit in their box's,
Lightly stacked,
They look lonely and caged,
A sad sight,

The palm leafs sway,
With such ease,
They breath slowly,
Reminding me there is peace,

The people drive by,
On their way to where they go,
Some angry, Some indifferent,
And I can only hope,
Some drive in peace,
A sense of serenity,

The rain drizzles,
Leaving shallow puddles on the dirty ground,
It waters the plants,
Ensuring life and natural beauty,

The shops are open,
Full of employees,
Working hard,
Earning their currency,
So that they can be stable,
And make ends meet,

The signs are everywhere,
Addresses and license plates,
Signs for restaurants,
Sings for upcoming highways,

And the color's are many,
If you look closely,
They vary in shade,
And in depth,
Some catch the eye, Others mutual, Others calm,

The people come and go,
They believe they know what is next,
Some are right,
With others soon is to come the unexpected,

The music plays softly,
It floods my ears, Slows my heart,
It has meaning,
It swells my soul,
Making me think, Stimulating,

My coffee is hot,
The cream cools it,
The sugar makes it sweet,

And it seems simple doesn't it?
As if its all meant to be,
But what is the next step?
What is come to be?

All I can say for sure,
Is that through all of this,
YOU occupy my mind,
A strong sense of certainty,
Because I love you,
And know that you love me,
If only you were in this picture,
The world would be,
Perfect.

How it ends and begins.

Ive tried it all,
Ive gone down the list,
Partied hard,
But it ends with a twist,
Not one in a drink,
But one in a cell,
Unable to think ,
Unable to see,
The life that was always cut out for me,
The  one I could have made,
The one I could have had,
The one that when thought of,
Makes me sad,
And maturity comes quick,
Almost like a kick,
One to the face,
Swift, Thick,
But the clock will tic,
The time is not quick,
But the days will pass,
Ever so slow,
And that's how it goes,
Not how it ends,
You pray to god to send,
That angel you had,
Living within,
The good in you,
You wish to be a kid again,
Your innocence is gone,
And its not coming back,
Now its time,
To get back on track.

Feelings of the Heart

This feeling in my chest,
As if I can never truly rest,
When you hear your fathers scorn,
Your blood doesn't want you anymore,
Nothing good to say,
Your voice in their ear,
A response of dismay,
And a feeling of hurt,
The worst of its kind,
Creeps in to my heart,
Travels through ones soul,
Ones mind,
They say time fixes all,
Could that be true?
Its hard to believe,
Such an obstacle is hard to see through,
Does this pain end?
Its so prudent and thorough,
Unbearable even,
Such a thought is so hard,
To grasp and to conjure,
Why is it like this,
I wish my mind would wonder,
But such a pain is to deep,
Strong and poisonous,
Makes a man want to weep,
How could I have done this?
How did I come so far?
That I must bottle this up,
In to my heart felt jar,
And as my soul begins to diminish,
I think of you,
My heart is lifted,
Your love is so true,
So straight to the point,
So honest, So great,
Our souls are connected,
Are formed in to a figure eight,
Infinite we shall be,
Such passion can last an eternity.